RIP Hostess. So Long Ding Dongs, You’ll Be Fondly Remembered

rip hostess
Empty Hostess shelves all over town.

Update – Tue., Nov. 20, 2012: Hostess Brands said Tuesday evening that a last-ditch mediation session with its bakers’ union over a new contract imposed in bankruptcy court had failed, bringing the company closer to liquidation.

It’s probable, quite possible, that the state of Hawaii IS OUT OF DING DONGS. Everywhere I went it was the same story – 7/11, Longs, Foodland, Times, Safeway, and finally Walmart – sold out.

Dragging a friend from store to store, only to face empty shelves once we got there. He was quite irritated to be lugged around, but that’s okay, I’m not that fond of him anyway. He asks, “What’s the big deal?” Clearly, he didn’t have a happy childhood. -_-

At one store, as I was staring at an empty Hostess shelf, a father and daughter approached behind me and the little girl sadly cried out “They’re all gone!” I know little girl, I know – no more Twinkies for you. No more Twinkies for anybody.

In another store, I asked a clerk if they had any Hostess cakes because I was going from aisle to aisle, but couldn’t find them. He said they were all out, but they have Little Debbie Snacks. Excuse me mister, I don’t want Little ‘fuckin’ Debbie nor do I want Mr. Freshley’s. Who the fuck is Mr. Freshley? I’ve never heard of him! All I want is a box of fuckin’ Ding Dongs!

I might have to face the fact that I’ll never taste Ding Dongs again. Damn you Union strike. Damn you. [Sigh] So long old pal. Thanks for the memories of being the surprise treat in my lunch box; of being one of my favorite frozen treats growing up (Yes, I use to freeze you up. Yum!). Hey, remember that one time I got totally stoned and ate a whole box of you (Okay, that probably happened more than once). I know Twinkies and Cup Cakes were the popular ones, but you were always my favorite.

After going to six different places and coming up Ding Dong-less, I was feeling quite melancholy. On the drive home I spotted a Circle K, but I just couldn’t bring myself to stop at one more place…I couldn’t.

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